the love of a parent...

So here's my take. For as complicated as love is it is in its simplest form when you become a parent. From the moment your baby is born the very instant you lay eyes upon your child it is love. Love, simple and pure, uncomplicated, unconditional, automatic love. It doesn't necessarily mean your love for your partner is greater, deeper or more solid. The child isn't a band-aid for life, love and adult relationships. It's just a child, a part of you and another who if you're the parent suddenly consumes your heart.

Now I can only speak of my personal experiences regarding the birth of my babies who are now 12 & 14 years old. And I can honestly say my love for them has grown daily. Who would've thought it possible. They have made me laugh and cry. They've brought joy & disappointment. They have angered me, sadden me and at the same time brought about a happiness I never thought I would know or imagined existed.

As a child, teen and adult I had many different feelings regarding my own parents. I adored my father and struggled to find an appropriate feeling for my mother. Growing up she had my brother and I had dad. In return from my parents I felt everything from loved and adored by one to tolerated at best by the other. My self often feeling as though I didn't belong with my own family. I questioned it so often it became kind of a family joke. It's not a joke. I'm not adopted. I have to admit my feelings are mixed on this fact.

At this point in my life my relationships with my parents are....not what I would call ideal. I accept my part in them being what they are. What I don't get is how a parent ....chooses not to parent. How do you stop being involved. How do you stop? How do you allow others to replace the original? The child learns to love. It doesn't come into this world automatically loving rather it comes in needing. Love is taught by our parents. With that said, I feel extra blessed to have been able to love and be loved. I feel like I've conquered something.

These are just my opinions, takes, whatever...questions, feelings and all that good stuff. I get sad at times for what I don't have. And the memories of what once was are fading and often just don't even seem real. I'm still trying to figure out some parts and how to cope with one of the relationships and my part in it while feeling a complete and total loss with the other. I wonder if my parent feels the same? But the answer becomes clear with each day that passes without any contact. And with today's technology that hurts even more.

I'm so lucky to be a parent. To Love and be loved by my children I can only be excited for the days that lay ahead and the chance to love them even more.