And she's off...

Well that was quick!  In a blink of an eye 16 years and 180 days have passed and the little one I was blessed with, held in my arms for as long as I could has taken to the roads!

What a milestone.  What excitement!  What a privilege.  What an adventure!

Leading up to this event there has been much anticipation, excitement, and angst.  I've gone over it time and time again in my head how it might all unfold.  From imagining how she'd perform on her driving test, visualizing her license picture (glad she snuck in a smile) and the expression on her face when (if) we'd be able to give her a vehicle.  It didn't all go quite as planned, she's not driving a white convertible, there wasn't much of a surprise, and no gift wrapped vehicle; there was however one very happy, proud, thankful young lady anxious for the privilege.  There have been squeals of delight as she realized that SHE can drive herself home from this weekends activities!  She can drive to B-dubs after the game!  And believe it or not, one of the first things she asked me was "mom, NOW can I have a curfew?" haha!  She's so not me!  PTL!

A good student, smart girl, logical thinker, who has a mind of her own she has been an answer to prayer.  I was fearful of having to raise children when time and time again God reminded me that He is in control.  My fears have been calmed and I know He has a plan.  Initially I worried she'd repeat my 'mistakes'.  I feared she'd be like me.  Instead she represents everything I had hoped I'd be.  She's accomplishing things and having success where I failed.  She's my 'mulligan' if you will.  I'm not sure how I was ever deemed deserving but I am thankful God sees in me something worth rewarding.  (so much so He's blessed/rewarded me twice)

16 and 180 days!  woo hoo!  what a fun stage of life.

The devil made me do it....perhaps.

I grew up with a father who had quite the ornery sense of humor.  "The devil made me do it" was one of the tag lines from one of his favorite comedians.  That very line would serve as my excuse for many of my actions, thoughts, and words.  As I 've gotten a bit older but primarily as my relationship with God has grown the saying "The devil made me do it" resonates in a much different manner.  It both saddens and scares me.

I find myself being much more cognizant of my feelings, words and actions and the effect they might have on another.  I try to be the 'change' I want to see in/from others.  I try to treat others as I would like to be treated.  And yet there are those times that I fail.  My thoughts are hateful, hurtful and sadden me.   I struggle with how to handle them because often times they're the very type of thought that I despise in others.  It's then I begin to wonder if perhaps "the devil made me do it".  Or am I just human?

Today has been one of those days.  To be on the safe side I've informed the devil he has no place in my life so he needs to move on! In addition, I've had to beg for my Gods forgiveness for my mean spirit.

Time to turn it around.