nowadays....

i remember thinking how pretty she was & i wanted to be just like her.
     now, she appears tired, worn down, hard and i hope to be anything but like her.

i remember thinking he was the one...couldn't imagine life without him.
     now i know he wasn't even close to being anything i wanted or needed

i remember thinking she was my best friend, that i could tell her anything.
     now, i couldn't tell you when the last time was we talked.
     now, i couldn't begin to explain why she chose to break a confidence
    
now i'm left wondering how i could've been so wrong. 

nowadays i tend to notice the heart of a person as opposed to the shell.  i admire the deed/action far more than their words and appearance.  for actions truly speak louder than words. 
nowadays i know this guy, (andy) he is the one, and THIS is what it feels like to really NOT be able to imagine life without someone.
nowadays i find myself wondering if a best friend is even a possibility....all the while thankful for the friends i do have.

nowadays come with more knowledge, deeper lessons, more loss, and more pain....but as long as they keep coming i'm good.

it's truly comforting to know God knows what my 'nowadays' will look like.  He knows why he has sprinkled my life with people He has chosen.  He knows...and really, that's all i need to know.

today i think i'm pretty just as i am.  i know i can go on with out him...but hope to never have to.  i have a best friend in God and although He knows how i feel, what i think and what i'm gonna say/do, He keeps it between us and loves me anyway. 

things that make me go hummmm..................

I have to wonder...what would be the reaction from the older (60ish) lady shopping for a bathing suit at wal-mart if i had approached her and told her the one in her hand would make her look hot! ~ because you see, that was the "thought" that went through my head while quickly grabbing items from wally world.  Albeit weird to probably have such a thought, i had it and offered up great restraint to NOT act upon it.  Yet I think it would've been priceless.

I have to wonder...why.  Why on so many levels and about so many things.  For instance, how exhausting it must be to pretend.  Pretend to be a parent, pretend to be a friend, to be happy, to be in control, to be "Christ-like".  The past month has left me speechless, thoughtful and saying hummmmm quite a bit.  I should clarify, - speechless simply because I've stunned and at the point of not being able to say anything nice so I've been silenced.  I'm sure it's temporary.

On a serious note, US Navy Seals & the CIA have killed Bin Ladin.  History has been made.

On a lighter note...I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of Jen Lancasters new novel! 

Ugh...to feel free enough to really write what I'm thinking!.....