9485563

Hey mom!  you know when you need to ask someone a question but sense you know the answer before hand so  you really don't want to ask the question...  ??  well, i was driving somewhere the other day & of course the first thing i started to do was call you.  i knew you wouldn't pickup.  and figured for sure the answering machine wouldn't either as eric was to have the phone turned off.  and for certain i didn't want to hear "the number you have dialed has been changed or disconnected".  yet sure enough i dialed home.  948-5563.  and guess what!  the customer i was trying to reach has a mail box that is full.  i need to try my call again!!  haha!  i laughed and cried.  with out a doubt your mailbox is full....even funnier, we never could figure out how to get that damn thing to play back messages. hahahaha!  oh well, so i'm calling now.

i'm not going any where but wanted to call earlier.  and just at the same time i had the desire to, i saw you.  just enough to know you were with me.  it was good to see you smile. 

kate might have to have surgery and matt has very sore ankles.  so needless to say, aside from our vaca at the beginning of the month november is being difficult.  in addition, i've quit at the chuck and miss it terribly.  but the kids want/need me here and with andy gone every other week and basketball season starting it was just too difficult to be everywhere i needed to be.  family first right?!  i'm hoping to find a new gig during the day.  need to get stuff together to return to subbing possibly.  idk, really just trusting in the Lord that i end up where i need to be. 

eric & i were talking about dad earlier this week.  you know how weird it was to drive through his home town and not attempt contact.  ...really weird.  but truthfully i wouldn't have known what to say.  really the only thing i can figure out regarding our relationship or rather lack there of is that Kaye is threatened.  and probably always has been.  he's in a hard place really.  has had to sacrifice much as a result of his choices, i have to wonder if it is really all he signed up for.  regardless, it's his bed.  eric seemed to think if he were to pass i'd have regrets.  i've thought long and hard about that.  and i don't think so.  i love him.  i've told him that and i've told him i wish him happiness.  and since doing so i've not had any communication from him to me, so i've done all i can do.  i feel any more would be fruitless & hurtful more so to my family (kate & matt) then me.  for i don't want them totally hating him.  as it is now he's a non-factor. 

it snowed yesterday.  :)  and today you've been gone 3 months.  it just doesn't seem possible.  i miss you terribly.  however, this is the time of year we will certainly celebrate your legacy!  Christmas carols, stockings, gift giving, & just good old giving to others!  certainly the magical spirit of Christmas was within you.

missing you more every day.  so glad you're whole again.  keep watch over my husband & kids please. 
love you too!
kel