nowadays....

i remember thinking how pretty she was & i wanted to be just like her.
     now, she appears tired, worn down, hard and i hope to be anything but like her.

i remember thinking he was the one...couldn't imagine life without him.
     now i know he wasn't even close to being anything i wanted or needed

i remember thinking she was my best friend, that i could tell her anything.
     now, i couldn't tell you when the last time was we talked.
     now, i couldn't begin to explain why she chose to break a confidence
    
now i'm left wondering how i could've been so wrong. 

nowadays i tend to notice the heart of a person as opposed to the shell.  i admire the deed/action far more than their words and appearance.  for actions truly speak louder than words. 
nowadays i know this guy, (andy) he is the one, and THIS is what it feels like to really NOT be able to imagine life without someone.
nowadays i find myself wondering if a best friend is even a possibility....all the while thankful for the friends i do have.

nowadays come with more knowledge, deeper lessons, more loss, and more pain....but as long as they keep coming i'm good.

it's truly comforting to know God knows what my 'nowadays' will look like.  He knows why he has sprinkled my life with people He has chosen.  He knows...and really, that's all i need to know.

today i think i'm pretty just as i am.  i know i can go on with out him...but hope to never have to.  i have a best friend in God and although He knows how i feel, what i think and what i'm gonna say/do, He keeps it between us and loves me anyway.