Have not had much contact with my father over the past 6 years. However at my brother's request he called me when he was here in June. It was awkward to say the least. Not warm, fuzzy, or any other kind of comforting adjective you might use to explain a call from a parent. It was just matter-of-fact like and somewhat short. I then received a happy birthday phone call that was cut short as his cell battery was dying. And while driving to a friends house I opted to call him for my drive. It was an ok phone call, yet kind of sad to me. We talked about my farm animals.

Six years almost have gone by in the lives of his grandchildren and not one question about them and how they were doing. This is what gets me. I know I have disappointed him, squandered his hard earned money on college with nothing to show for it. Made decisions regarding my life that are less than pleasing to myself as well as him, but those are all on me....NOT MY KIDS! I just don't get it.

Kat wanted to go see him while he was up here. She wanted to try to talk him into liking me (us) again. He had left by the time she returned home and wasn't able to do so. God love her for wanting to do such a thing. Eric has tried relentlessly at times to be the bridge.

You see, for me I am Switzerland. So much has changed, so much time has passed. I love him and miss him but..... I don't want anyone in my life that doesn't want to be there. And I'm a package deal! my kids & hubby & I! Just as he pointed out that he too is a package deal.

I don't know how this will transpire but time will tell. I do know that my Heavenly Father with whom I put ALL my faith and trust in will be my rock through it all. My concern here....my children.