I don't need you to runin my character....I can do that on my own....just like YOU ruined yours

So many times we have conversations or state an opinion regarding responsibility. You know how they go...usually there's a complaint about someone not accepting responsibility for their situation. People continually blaming others for their state of being. It's so much easier to put the blame on others than it is to take a good hard look at ourselves and realize....I'VE CREATED QUITE A SITUATION. My grandma used to say "if you point a finger at another be aware of the 3 pointing back at you!". But really in this day & age who does that? It's far easier to put the blame elsewhere, especially when we feel as though someone else has attacked our character.

Here's my take on this...(I'll use myself as an example)

With regard to my character I feel I'm fully responsible for my own. I make the choices in the way I conduct myself, the things I say - in addition the WAY I say them, my actions and interactions and what I do with the things I hear. If you'll notice in that previous sentence there was a reoccurring word...I. Not you, them, she, he, they...rather I/me. You see I am of the opinion that with regard to my character I'm in total control. I call the shots. I do however lose control when I am somewhere where there are people around who might see my actions/interactions, hear my conversations or words spoken. Because you see it is at this point that the things I do and say become open to interpretation. Now it is on YOU. How you perceive ME. This is the point when others get to decide what they think of me. (difficult to accept at times)

It's easy to say someone one has "ruined my character". For placing blame for what is ultimately a direct consequence from ones own behavior is far easier to do and has pretty much become status quo than admitting I, ME, MYSELF made an error in judgment. That is hard to do. That look in the mirror can often reflect someone less than perfect. Someone that's messed up, crossed the line, made a mistake, or just simply put made a bad choice. I know. I've been there and done that and will unfortunately probably find myself there again peering into that mirror once again before my time on this earth is done.

However at about the ripe old age of 40 (I'm a slow learning w/ some things) I came to realize my grandma was right. While I was busy pointing that finger at everyone else and putting the blame on them I did in fact have 3 others pointing back at me. This was a cause for a pause & some self-evaluation.

Here are some of the "light bulb" moments I had during that time. 1) I have opinions and will speak them. 2) Speaking my opinions (solicited or not) will open me up to ridicule and possibly cause others to not care for me much. 3) I often (not always...be glad) say what ever I want. 4) Being outspoken is not a trait that everyone likes. 5) I don't pretend well. 6) I'm not into conforming to make YOU feel comfortable. ...it's not about you. 7) You're gonna think what you want. 8) I'm not gonna like everyone nor is everyone gonna like me...& that's ok. 9) I'm not good at looking the other way when something is amiss. 10) I'm not good with chain of command. 11) I'm not going to apologize for who I am.

You see I live with my family, self and God is the center of all that. I have chosen to do my best to live my life pleasing to Him. I often fall short but continually try. I am not perfect nor do I think I've ever claimed to be. I don't answer to YOU and you're probably not in my chain of command.

It's unfortunate and trying when I encounter someone who is a frustration. For my God has called me to LOVE others. Even my enemies. And yes...I have them. There are few people I don't like but nonetheless they do exist. I've observed behaviors that I have found troubling, I've witnessed actions less than appropriate or "professional" (the buzz word) which I have found concerning and I've been privy to information that can be down right damning. What I have found, personally speaking, is it's difficult to LIKE those people and when asked "why? the dislike" I share my reasons. The good/bad & ugly.

As I sit here blogging some of these people are popping in and out of my head. Each possess good qualities ie: excellent speaker/preacher, love of arts, creative artistic talent, willingness to be involved. And I thank God for revealing those to me for initially I was blinded by my dislike for them and had trouble seeing the good that exist in each of us. However each have in some manner have managed to personally cause me to call into question their character. What I do know is we all have character flaws, myself included. But when I continually choose to spotlight my flaw, act out on it I stand the risk of damaging my character...permanently. YOU don't do the damage, I do. You're talking about me, recounting the fall, the poor choice...well, that isn't on you because as I see it, I did the deed. You have simply chosen to talk about it once, twice, or over & over...regardless, I put myself, my actions, my words, my 'me' out there...for interpretation. It's a risk perhaps, especially if I'm a bold person.

I'm an "at risk" individual. I don't often play it safe. I often challenge people and things. I usually say what others are thinking thus absolving them from any ownership of the thought. I figure it's a 2 way street, as well as a double edge sword. I am at times called out on my thoughts, statements, opinions. I have been told and a time or two strongly suggested to NOT say anything and certainly NOT to anyone...for it wouldn't be in my best interest. And when strongly advised about what is or isn't in my best interest I usually consider the source offering up the warning. What I've found out is my interest and what's best for me isn't what they're ultimately looking out for. I have found that self-proclaimed "professionals" can be bullies.

Here's another thing I've realized about myself ...I look for the good and straight up, God has helped me with that one. And when I have a negative opinion of someone I pray not only for my attitude/opinion but for the other person too. I do! I have to just so I can be more pleasing to The One who truly matters.

You don't need me to ruin your character, nor do I need you to ruin mine. We both have the ability to get that done on our own. So take some ownership and be responsible for who you are...the good, bad & ugly. For everyone else isn't to blame.