finding my passion....finding me.

void of a passion....

for as long as i can remember i've heard people talk about their passion.  you're encouraged to find  your passion when seeking a profession/career.  then there are those who have a passion about a cause or in the form of a talent.  me....i've got nothing. 

people asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up.  the earliest memory i have of this question is when i was  early elementary school age. it was posed to me on a sunday afternoon while exiting the church.  our pastor at the friends church was xen harvey.  awesome gentleman.  and i distinctly remember him shaking my brothers hand, commenting on his impeccable attendance record of having never missed a sunday and him asking eric what he wanted to be when he grew up.  eric's response "a pastor".  wow!  i remember thinking!  that's gonna be tough to follow.  immediately i remember trying to think what i could do for the rest of my life.  what did i enjoy?  what was i good at?  dance, twirling, gymnastics. dress-up.  all i knew for sure was i needed to quickly ready my answer. and before i could contemplate any further it was my turn to answer, "i want to be a playboy bunny when i grow up!"  i don't know when i've ever answered a question with so much enthusiasm, confidence and i spoke it as though it was nearly a done deal.  all i needed....a puffy white tail & cute ears.  right?!?

next time i recall that question "what do you want to be/do when you grow up?" was in high school.  you know, ask the teen!   those folks who most adults feel know nothing!  a sound, wise decision is sure to be made.  truth be told i had no idea.  i didn't know what all my options were.  i seemed to know more about what i didn't want to do than what i wanted to do/be.  not a nurse, not a secretary, not a medical anything, not a secretarial anything, .....so business i guess.  because business is everywhere ...that shouldn't really limit me.  so marketing/business it was.  and i learned in the classroom it was boring.  i learned in the real world it was shallow, manipulative, aggressive, competitive, and unrewarding.  so i reconsidered.  perhaps i would enjoy teaching.  it's rewarding...right?  sure it is.  and i enjoyed working with the KIDS.  THEY were awesome.  and then i dawned on me, it too seemed to be a business, aggressive, competitive, manipulative, and just like in the business world i left behind i encountered shallowness, intolerance, bullying at all levels and i bailed.  it obviously wasn't my passion.

i did direct sales and had success but then didn't really care if you bought something or not.  i taught dance.  that was fun.  but lets face it i'm older & much larger than when i did it for sport.  i coached, it was fun - i did it well, ....i was fired.  (a whole other blog) 

so i waitress.  i work with/for my friend(s).  i have great customers.  i smile a lot, laugh a lot, talk a lot, share a lot, and am humbled daily. 

i don't know that anyone would call being a waitress a "passion" but i'd have to say it really has been one of the more rewarding jobs i've done.  as i reflect as to possible reasons why...it boils down to one thing.  i get to be me. i've never been requested to change my point of view, opinion, religion, friends, relations.  i've not been censored, told who i can/cannot talk to, or what i can/cannot talk about.  i think the only sacrifice i've had to make is to adhere to wearing the chuckwagon t-shirt. 

i guess my passion is just being me.  after all my me is a good thing.  God created it and He doesn't make junk.  He had a purpose.  i don't know what that is, but i do know He is leading my way.  i stumble and fall from time to time (day to day) but He always picks me up, dust me off and we set back out.  my record, well thanks to his gift, his Son Jesus Christ - it's a clean slate. 

what's your passion?