The apple and the tree...

Just how far from the tree must the apple fall for individuality to kick in?

So much of our early development comes from what our parents teach us.  Then come those forma-table years when other adults lend their personalities and character to our influences.  Followed by the teen years where we really go in search of ourselves and attempt to establish our personality and character.  And then the real world.

I remember early conversations with my daughter regarding peers and their chosen conduct and specifically remember saying to her "you have to keep in mind they only know what they see, hear and are taught at home.  You need to be the example of how you want to be treated in the manner in which you treat them"  Over and over and over again this conversation took place.  And while giving it I too had to pause and reflect on my own actions, words, reactions to things happening in my world that might be in conflict with what I was telling her.  (gut checks are not fun)

And here we are, in the midst of the teenage years for both of my kids and we have been forced to deal with some really tough situations.  Bullying, lying, meanness, passiveness, apathy, you name it and sadly I'm not just talking from the kids here!  I've seen it from kids and adults.  I've witnessed parents 'in on it' if you will and have heard tales of them also getting in on the ribbing at their children's parties.  It's in those cases that I would say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 

Now, to be fair, I'm no saint.  I've spoken derogatorily against others and have come to regret my choice of words and even regretted voicing my thought.  But I have learned, am learning and hope to continue to learn how to deal with life's frustrating people, situations and what not.  What I have not done is made it my pursuit or encouraged my children to pursue the demise of another.  I have with ever bit of my being tried to encourage them to encourage others and get along no matter the situation. 

And then there comes a time when you must take a stand.  .....even if you're all lone.

I am intolerant to bullying and disgusted by passive behaviors toward it.  I am intolerant to spiteful meanness and disgusted by parents who encourage it or are 'unaware' of their child's behavior.  I am intolerant of lies and am disgusted by those who wish to explain them away as though they're ever acceptable, especially when the lie is to ones 'subjects' and spoken in an attempt to cover up sketch decision making.  These are the beliefs that make up the trunk of the tree that is ME. 

Like a tree I have many limbs, many paths and branch out in many different directions.  Like a tree some of my branches, behaviors if you will, are stronger and better than others.  Like a tree I've given off fruit - 2 to be exact and I can only hope that they garner what they need from me to get through this life, make good in this life and make God proud in this life from my trunk.  So that when it falls....in to life, the good, bad and ugly of it, it can re-nourish it's self and rise up again.  I hope my tree's fruit isn't bitter rather better.  Better for the example that I'm trying to set. 

And as we go forward from here decisions have to be made and this year they seem tougher than ever.  As a parent I encourage my kids to take part in the decision making process.  I encourage them to view all aspects, possible results and consequences of their choices.  I've always encouraged them to not quit.  Until now.  Sometimes quitting is necessary.  When the group you're associated with is MEAN and hurtful and there's no end in sight - enough is enough.  When talent walks away perhaps it's what needs to happen to open up eyes to what is really going on. 

Encourage. Encourage. Encourage!  Kindness. Kindness. Kindness.  Two elements when used together can achieve great things!  

What's holding up your tree?  What's the make up of your trunk?  And your fruit...wonderful to you as they are, are not without a blemish.  Can you buff it out?  Or has it began to rot, clear through to the core....and is now attempting to spoil the whole bunch?