well, it's been quite a while so i will start with a quick up to date synopsis of what's been happening with all of us.

Kat ended her cheering for the year as football season came to a quick end with a loss in the first sectional game.  Time off didn't last for long though as swim got underway almost immediately.  This is a new adventure for all of us!  Early morning practices, up to 3 meets a week and quality coaching!  She kicked off the season with an invitational at Norwell.  Oak Hill took second place just barely getting edged out by Jay County.  Kat swam in 3 events and did well.  Most importantly she didn't drown!  I think the thing that I enjoyed most about this meet was the time with my daughter on the ride home.  She was all smiles, ear to ear I tell you!  I asked her why the big smiles and she said 'Coach'!  He was complimentary and encouraging and she wasn't quite sure how to take it or what to think of it!  Next she commented how supportive her teammates were.  Everyone encouraged one another.  As the days passed and more practices were held and meets swam in the spring in her step, smile on her face and overall attitude have improved!  For a mom this is probably the most refreshing aspect and best reward for the time a child spends away from family and engaged in a sport.

Matt decided to swim as well.  YAY!  He doesn't say much but just the fact that there's never any hesitation on his part to get up at 5 a.m. to get to practice and his head isn't hung at the end of the day tells me all I need to know.  He's having a similar experience as Kat.  It'll be fun to see the apart of the same team and encouraging their friends as well as one another.  And I even heard him utter the words..."mom, I like school!"  Who would've thought. YaY!  I felt as thought this day would come.  What a difference a year makes. (and a building, & maturity)

Andy is doing well.  I don't know how he does half of what he does.  He works circles around me! No way could I ever begin to keep up!  Amboy is about 95% finished (or more) and we're still trusting in God and His timing for a buyer so we can move.  This has truly been a lesson in patience.

Me, well....I'm working at our churches preschool with some pretty amazing 2 year olds.  And doing what I enjoy the most, being a mom.  I've found myself more stingy lately with time fighting for time together with all 4 of us.  The kids are growing up and time is fleeting and although the future excites me I can't deny the panic that sets in knowing that sooner rather than later the day will come when I can't hug them daily at will.  eek!  I'm also trying to give my kids their space, especially my daughter. I'm so thankful and blessed she's such a good kid and not like me!  I was never too sure how I'd be as a parent and often said I didn't want kids.  It just goes to show ya that God knows what He's doing!  I thank Him endlessly for my two!  They're more than I ever thought I'd deserve.

Houses....well, Amboy is for sale!  Swayzee house is still on hold for remodeling (one thing at a time please) and we're under contract for our dream home.  Faithfully awaiting a buyer so we can move forward.

We just celebrated Thanksgiving.  It was the 2nd one without my mom.  I've been missing her a lot this week!  I thought of the phone call I would've gotten when we received our first snow, the phone call alerting me to the start of the Macy Parade and wishing me a happy Thanksgiving, the phone calls throughout the day Black Friday inquiring about our shopping experiences, crowds, buys and most importantly ...where are you going to eat!  On Saturday after the PU win v. iu, we stopped for supper and the kids talked nonstop about our family traditions.  And they too expressed how much they miss mamaw mo.  I know this put a smile on her face.  And I prayed she'd visit each of them that night.

So, that's us...all up to date and preparing for the holiday season!  Can't believe the year is coming to an end.  I'm looking forward to the month of December.  Family gatherings, Christmas parties, surprises for secret santas, and the over all spirit of the season.  December is such a hopeful month I think and a fine way to end a year.  Bring it on!  2013 I've got you in my sights!

ahhh October!

October has always been a month of changes.  Not only is God having his way with all of nature this seems to be the month He has set aside for big changes in my life as well.

I hope and pray this year will prove to be equally life changing, in a good way.

I believe 110% in Gods plan.  I love that I can fully rely on Him.  For it's His promise to never forsake us and to always be with us that I cling to for comfort.  I also believe that things don't just 'happen'.  I believe it's all a part of His plan.  I believe that He brings us to things, allows things to happen, both good and bad so that through it all we seek Him and in all we do, accomplish we give glory to Him.  All of these beliefs of mine are precisely why I believe we're to move.  To move into the house of our dreams.  I believe He as carefully and skillfully orchestrated all of this.  I believe that this will be the month that it all comes together.  That the change will occur.

We're about 1/2 way through the month, so there's still time.

I don't know when I've ever wanted anything so much...

Have you ever sinned?  Do you know someone who has?  Do you judge the sin?  Do you judge the sinner?  How about forgiveness?  How about acceptance?

I've been thinking a lot about this recently.  About the awesomeness of God to forgive us, the believer.  So many thoughts really.  A lot of heart ache for family, friends, acquaintances, who have experienced their own heart ache as a result of a sinful act.  Relationships have been shattered.  As I think about what they must be going through I also think about God and what He might be going through and how He would expect or want myself and others to act towards those who (like us) have sinned.  Kinda pondering the 'what now' of the aftermath of sin.

While pondering this, I was driving and listening to K-love I can't recall the specific song that came on but it was the song on the radio that reminded me that I am to love.  I am to show Gods love to others.  ...Period.  Our God forgives.  Our God forgets.  Our God repairs, restores and heals.  How awesome is that!

So what about those going through their days feeling broken, shattered.  I can't fix, or mend the brokenness.  But I can pray.

I can pray for those who are affected.  I can pray for those who have sinned.

If only we could forget!  We can't but God can.  Regardless we're called to Love one another (sins & all).  So I hope to remember that, and to give that to all for all are deserving.

just a thought

948-5563

hey, so i'm not convinced this really gets easier.  rather it feels more like time passes by more quickly.  i get the most frustrated when i'm driving and just want to call and talk to you.  you know i would always do that!  didn't always have anything of importance to say but you'd always answer and always listen.  but probably the most missed aspect of those calls is without fail you'd always tell me you loved me.

i don't know who to call now.  well, truth....there's no one else i want to call.

ugh

amboy is pretty done.  yay!  now for a buyer.  gah!  i'm trying so very hard to be faithful and patient with Gods timing.  kinda feel like i'm failing at times.  i/we so very much want to move...and the sooner the better!  if you've any in with the Big Guy see if you can pull some strings and move things along will ya! lol

well, i miss you mom.  miss you more than anyone will ever know.  feel free to visit again anytime, it's comforting and helps loads.  love you, and i'll talk to you later.

And she's off...

Well that was quick!  In a blink of an eye 16 years and 180 days have passed and the little one I was blessed with, held in my arms for as long as I could has taken to the roads!

What a milestone.  What excitement!  What a privilege.  What an adventure!

Leading up to this event there has been much anticipation, excitement, and angst.  I've gone over it time and time again in my head how it might all unfold.  From imagining how she'd perform on her driving test, visualizing her license picture (glad she snuck in a smile) and the expression on her face when (if) we'd be able to give her a vehicle.  It didn't all go quite as planned, she's not driving a white convertible, there wasn't much of a surprise, and no gift wrapped vehicle; there was however one very happy, proud, thankful young lady anxious for the privilege.  There have been squeals of delight as she realized that SHE can drive herself home from this weekends activities!  She can drive to B-dubs after the game!  And believe it or not, one of the first things she asked me was "mom, NOW can I have a curfew?" haha!  She's so not me!  PTL!

A good student, smart girl, logical thinker, who has a mind of her own she has been an answer to prayer.  I was fearful of having to raise children when time and time again God reminded me that He is in control.  My fears have been calmed and I know He has a plan.  Initially I worried she'd repeat my 'mistakes'.  I feared she'd be like me.  Instead she represents everything I had hoped I'd be.  She's accomplishing things and having success where I failed.  She's my 'mulligan' if you will.  I'm not sure how I was ever deemed deserving but I am thankful God sees in me something worth rewarding.  (so much so He's blessed/rewarded me twice)

16 and 180 days!  woo hoo!  what a fun stage of life.

The devil made me do it....perhaps.

I grew up with a father who had quite the ornery sense of humor.  "The devil made me do it" was one of the tag lines from one of his favorite comedians.  That very line would serve as my excuse for many of my actions, thoughts, and words.  As I 've gotten a bit older but primarily as my relationship with God has grown the saying "The devil made me do it" resonates in a much different manner.  It both saddens and scares me.

I find myself being much more cognizant of my feelings, words and actions and the effect they might have on another.  I try to be the 'change' I want to see in/from others.  I try to treat others as I would like to be treated.  And yet there are those times that I fail.  My thoughts are hateful, hurtful and sadden me.   I struggle with how to handle them because often times they're the very type of thought that I despise in others.  It's then I begin to wonder if perhaps "the devil made me do it".  Or am I just human?

Today has been one of those days.  To be on the safe side I've informed the devil he has no place in my life so he needs to move on! In addition, I've had to beg for my Gods forgiveness for my mean spirit.

Time to turn it around.

time....
2 3/4 years spent remodeling one of our homes
1+ years it's been listed for sale.
1+ year under contact to purchase another
a year and a month since moms passing
2 weeks until kat gets her liscense
1 1/2 year away from kats HS graduation
2 years until college
2 years left for all 4 of us to be together (vacations, holidays, under one roof)
4 years and all will have graduated and moved on
4 years and we'll be empty nesters

sigh....
too much time for somethings and just not enough for others.

when if ever is the sacrifice appreciated?

as parents we have to make decisions/sacrifices that often cost us and those we love all for the greater good.

time spent together, one on one is sacrificed and i'm left wondering if it we will ever be able to recover from it.  and in addition i'm left to wonder if the greater good is really all that much greater.  for the greatest thing to me is time with the ones i love the most.  and that time is fleeting away.

It's been awhile

Wow I don't even know where to begin!  July has came & went and August is on it's way out.  Mom's been gone a year.  Yesterday I had to put down one of my best friends, PJ our mini-schnauzer that we rescued 3 years ago.  In addition I chipped my front tooth while engaging in day 3 of new preschool job activities. (more on that later).  On the kid front there have been surgeries, cheer camp, cheer competition, and mission trips.  On the (new) home front we've signed a new purchase agreement and are forever faithful this is the path God has laid out for us and even though there are detours along the way we will arrive at our destination.  Whew...

I gotta say though that no matter the ups/downs that come at me I am so thankful that through each one God allows me to see the blessings.  It's truly overwhelming.  Bottom line, it's AWESOME!  For instance:  my incredibly broken toe - broken before Heather & I ever began our journey in search of THE shoes that would help to ease her fear of public speaking (haha) I broke my toe, major!  Through laughter, retail therapy and great company I trudged through the pain and ultimately reset the break.  I was able to praise Jesus through the pain because of the friendship and support of another He knowingly placed in my life.  How often do you hear one express thanks for the blessing of a dentist?  Well, I do. (and i am NOT a fan of dentistry) Thankful that not only is my dentist a good one at that, but that she is someone I can call a friend.  Just knowing her on a personal level makes checkups more doable and emergencies less freaky!  What a blessing to have her work me in, in a super timely fashion to repair my broken off bit of front tooth!  She could totally relate to my desire to not partake of the 'red-neck' look.  :)  PTL!  And the list of blessings goes on & on....our vet, the people we're buying the house from, family, trustworthy lawyer, church, & friends.

On the subject of friends, well... I am convinced I have the BEST of them.  Assembled by His hands for sure each is just the right fit.  Some are closer than others but each contributes to my life making it feel complete.  For them I am thankful.

And then there are those lives I've evidentially touched somewhere along the line.  Former students who take the time to wish me well on my FB wall, send me a 'friend request' or accept mine, or current little ones who once in the classroom run to hug my legs!  WOW!  how awesome is that!  It's comforting to know (and a reminder) that time here matters.  Matters to more than you may imagine, in ways you may have not conceived.  For those revelations I am thankful.  But I am most thankful for those persons God has put in my path on this journey through life.  ;)  They're amazing, as they are, God did good!

So how about you?  Take a minute and assess your blessings.  They're all around you, take many shapes and forms, and are at times disguised.

well it's been quite the summer thus far!  i'll do a quick recap of events up til now and then move on to a little something else.

kat had toncils & adenoids out, bled twice! SCARY, matthew went to honduras, andy fell off the roof (he's ok!  PTL), the amboy house is almost done!  oh so close!  WE ARE BUYING THE OTHER ONE!  IT'S OFF MARKET BUT IS OURS UPON SELLING ONE OF OUR OWN!!!!  again, PTL!  we've had multiple gatherings with friends, sweltering hot heat, kokomo beach with out of state friends, the annual cookout at moms.... :( , and I turned 46!  whew....and that's all just the first month of summer break.

here it is july 11 and in just over a month school will be back in session!  until then VBS, work, cheer practice, cheer camp, cheer competition, all have yet to happen!  whew...just thinking about it.  andy leaves for san antonio for a few days next week for work, i do miss him when he's gone.  so much has happened and yet there's still so much to do.

this summer has been exceptionally hot, but i'm praising the Lord because it's not been humid!  woo hoo!  If all goes according to my plan...provided it's in line with my Gods plan then we will be planning on moving end of september first of october!  of course i'll appreciate prayers but fully understand that  God has this all under control, and for that i'm thankful and faithful.

mom has been on my mind a lot this month.  for a year ago she was still with us.  we've talked, or rather i've talked and i'm certain she's listened.  she was always a good listener.  (and talker lol)

fathers day came and went.  i didn't call my dad.  i did send him a card though.  i told him i loved him.  i've realized a couple of things, 1) no matter the situation, he should hear it from ME that i love and care.  2) no matter the situation, he's my dad and i'm his daughter...even if i'm the only one who acknowledges that.  ....i don't really know where it went wrong.  i'm not even sure if knowing would help the situation, so i pray.

this growing older thing is kinda weird, and enjoyable all at the same time.  i do however find my self getting anxious at times about the simplest of things.  some scare me, some confuse me and others calm me.  you know how as time passes and one day you pause and take a look at your surroundings and your life and all the blessings, messes, and blessings!  i tend to do that often.  i like to hit pause.  but i have to admit there are those times when in doing so i get scared, or apprehensive.  i know that at some point those who are on this journey with me, making it special and enjoyable will someday ...not be.  that's when i get scare.  it's in this moment of feeling that i want to recoil and not love.  can you imagine.?!  i get scared of loving.  not being loved doesn't scare me.  but i find myself afraid to love.  why?  the only conclusion i can come up with is that in doing so, in not loving....it'll be easier when it's time to let go.

and then i realize that all that is bunk!  and i'm back to being me.

had lunch today with a young lady who i adore!  she's off to college in the fall and as many of you know i truly feel this is one of the most exciting times in a persons life.  any hoo, we were talking about being real v. being fake.  in our convo it was questioned how to act toward someone who you didn't much care for.  (i feel like i can be a pro at this!)  this has been a source of concern for me for some time.  and here's my conclusion.  if you're a nice person and being nice to others is important to you then be nice.  be you.  be to them how you'd want someone, anyone, to be to you.  if you can manage that then there's nothing fake about your approach.  fake is when you're anything other than yourself!  your feelings can be less than positive, but there are times when being ourself means putting feelings aside and just being.

well, that's the perspective that works for me any way.  and it's what i'll go with until i change and become mean or something.  ;)  *confession:  i do have a mean streak, i have to arm wrestle it so that i don't allow it to define me.  

well, that's about it for now.  i'm at church blogging, as our computer is in a funk.  thus the delayed post.  wishing you all well, thanks for reading....feel free to share your thoughts with me.

blessings,
kel

Blessings...the good, bad & ugly!

Do you ever give much though to Gods handy work?  Ever spend much time giving Him thanks for all the good stuff?  How about this one, do you ever give thanks to Him for all the times things haven't worked out (the way you wanted?), for the change of course, for the disappointments.  Are blessings only those things that make us feel warm and fuzzy?  Or can they be disguised as something ugly?  (ie: a tricky parent/child relationship, job loss, financial difficulties...ect.)

Over the years I have really found myself pondering the idea of Blessings.  I've been quick to be thankful for all the good stuff, family - the ones i enjoyed, friends, health, home, you know the everyday "Thank you God for all that you have blessed me with" sort of thankfulness.  But as time would have it (and perhaps too much time to contemplate) I've also been giving thanks to Him for the times things haven't gone my way.  Even as an adult one of the toughest things to hear is "No".  But as a faithful adult I've come to realize that my Fathers "No" is simply because He has a better plan.  Oh, and I need to trust in it!

Okay, now have you ever felt blessed yourself from anothers blessing?  You know, how sometimes just by knowing someone, knowing their dreams, fears, anxieties, hopes, they bless your own life.  In taking the time to develop friendships, sow the seeds that God has planted, you can truly reap a bountiful harvest of blessings.

My mom has blessed me in many many ways.  Many of the ways were quite obvious to those who knew us, knew her and even those who just observed.  Some of those blessings were tough to identify at times but with time and prayer became defined.  Bottom line, Mom blessed my life more than I ever would've given her credit for while she was with us.  Someday I'll tell her so accompanied by a hug.

My dad also has blessed my life.  I believe many of the obvious blessings came early on for me.  Mostly in my childhood and in the manner in which I remember him- jovial, ornery, my biggest fan, a softy.  Then came some of those undesirable blessings if you will.  Adultery.  Lies.  Abandonment.  Life lessons no one ever wants to learn.  My dad defined for me, clarified for me the kind of man I would hope to have in my life one day.  I very clearly recognized my blessing when he came back into my life. 

And then there are those friendships that have filled up all those years growing up.  The preschool friends, elementary, jr, hi, high school, college, those who came and went while trudging through the 20's and 30's and at last those who low and behold suck around and waltzed in just as life is getting good.  I find myself reflective and thankful as we experience life with one another.  Happy when they're happy.  Joyful when they rejoice.  Mournful when sorrow strikes.  And probably the best feeling of all....calm, just knowing they're in my life. 

I turn 46 in just under a month.  And I can say with out a doubt I have truly been blessed.  I will celebrate my 1st birthday ever without my mom.  The blessing....she's with her parents and PAIN FREE!  It's been 2+ years since i've talked to my dad or seen him.  The blessing in that....God hasn't hardened my heart.  I remember good times, miss those, and am sadden by the parting of ways.  But feel stronger than I can ever remember feeling.  I love him, miss the guy I knew and wish him well.  We're gonna get our house!  Only God knows when exactly but He orchestrated a series of events that has allowed both us and the seller to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that this is His will.....what a blessing. 

I challenge you to not just go through this life thanking God only for those obvious blessings.  But open yourself up to Him completely.  Let Him open your eyes, ears and heart.  Be accepting of all that He has in store for your Journey at all times giving Him the glory.  Be open to the storm for it too is a blessing from above.

Oh, and just so you know, YOU too are a blessing.
~ God bless...

The power of a round table....

Round tables are the best.  No defined space, no Head of the table, no one "squared off" against another, just a continual circle.  Often a circle of friends.

Whenever we dine out I prefer to sit at a round table however they're not easy to come by.  But there's just something about them that makes the experience of dining with others that much more pleasant. Everyone is joined together.  Everyone is visible.  Everyone is easily heard.  Spaces overlap adding to the feeling of community if you will.

Round tables are often found in kitchens where family and friends gather.  It's that table that is often the heart of the home.  That table bares witness to many conversations, homework assignments, board games & meals.  It endures spills, scratches, & clutter.  But its most awesome super power is it's ability to bring people together.  For a time.  For food, fellowship and fun. 

Just last week I stopped by a friends house to drop of some chocolates.  My daughter & I were immediately invited in whisked away to the kitchen where we unexpectedly and welcoming-ly were asked to join them at their table.  It was a busy time for my friend but the table exerted it super power and all four of us girls were soon seated, munching nachos, taste testing cookies, and my favorite....laughing.  We talked, ate, talked, laughed, talked, and ate.  Stories were told.  Memories revisited.  Tears shed (happy ones).  And friendships fed.  As was the soul. 

For a time all else stopped....and friendships were fed. 

There's a lot of power in table talk.  Round table talk is (in my opinion) the best.  Thank you to my friend for the welcome and the time.  I was reminded of a time (back in the day) when "visiting" happened.  I had almost forgotten about it.  Today is always full of schedules, and time constraints.  So much so that I truly believe that perhaps that is a contributing factor to the demise of so many families and friendships.  No one has time to stop, sit at the round table and talk. 

Pull up a chair why don't ya.  Sit a spell and let's visit.

I'm kinda neurotic when it comes to starting things that will take some time.  I tend to not be able to just do it when ever, rather the beginning has to make sense to me.  For instance, on the 1st, a Monday, or some other logical "time" for the start of something.  So tomorrow it is, June 1 and I will be starting to...eat more healthily, walk daily & ....................................................................................................................................................................
Jog.

Yes you read that correctly, jog.  Why?  I know right?  I'm so not a fan of running for any reason other than an emergency but I got to thinking:  What is it that I have that runners do not.  Answer:  fat knees and belly fat.  So there you have it.  Truth be told I'm really not all that displeased with the shape that is me.  I'm a chub.  Rolly polly.  Jolly if you will. ;)  But I do not like my fat knees.  And, having done the Advocare 24 day challenge a few times I know this, 1) i feel better when i eat better 2) i have more energy when i eat better 3) i have more energy when i do some sort of exercise even if it is walking and 4) why not incorporate a bit of a jog into my regimen  What's the worst thing that could happen?   You see, what ever is gonna happen is gonna happen.  For it is written. 

I will weigh myself only for the purpose of encouragement/discouragement.  I will however keep a weekly tab on my knee & belly fat.  I'm curious like that. 

Joining me on my venture will be my beautiful daughter.  She's been after me to "run" with her.  Not that she's been running (she doesn't want to do it alone) and I've tried to encourage her to eat better.  So together perhaps we will have some sort of success.  (if we don't piss each other off.  lol)

So here's to the start of something.  A journey if you will.  Looking forward to it!

EOM ....juggling!

Due to the increased prices of EVERYTHING!, I have found myself trying to be a bit more frugal.  Not that we're experiencing any kind of notable financial crisis, but simply because prices are just too damn high!  I'm so over the smaller packaging (that is still only half full) and the ridiculous increase in goods.  I haven't the storage or freezer space necessary to successfully do bulk purchases or take advantage of the 10 for 10 days at meijer, and thanks to my pampered family couponing is next to impossible. (they're a very brand specific bunch)

You see I shop, really shop only 2 times a month on Andy's payday.  In addition we are participants in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace (which works people!).  4- years into this recover/repair/replenish/reward! program if you will, thus I have a certain budget for my shopping endeavors.  A budget that was set 4 years ago...and has only seemed to take hit after hit from what is becoming a scary, pathetic market. 

I have began to gauge my success at shopping based on my need prior to those much anticipated pay days!  For instance, food is I'd say in the yellow as we're good on many "filler" items, but lacking on meat this time.  Not completely out but just enough of it to cause me to be uber creative.  (yay pinterest & allrecipes.com)  Thus I can conclude that my last shopping experience was pretty on the mark with my meal planning and stock up options.  (yay me!)  The only area crying out for rationing is the bathroom, as the toilet paper has reached a critical level.  We're talking approaching code RED! Just this morning I had to send the munchkins into the depths of their bedrooms to do a 'roll search'.  (roll search=retrieving the rolls taken to the bedside while suffering from allergies)  Success was ours as Matthew was able to produce what appeared to be 3/4 of a roll!  PTL!  We're good for another day.   I hope.

Only 2 tragedies over the course of the 2 weeks as well.  One loaf of bread (darn mold) and a banana that became covered up by paper (go figure) and opted to skip the ripe stage and go straight for rotten.  blech.  I was able to make most all of the meals planned for, left overs were minimal and didn't last long. And in addition had just what I needed to feed the crew that helped Andy to begin the siding process on the house in Amboy.  Not too bad. 

Shopping day is tomorrow.  And I look forward to it.  Tonight I will be surfing Pinterest, Allrecipes.com and any other food source I can come up with for menu ideas and healthier eating options.  It happens every June, eating habits will be altered in an attempt to be a bit more fit on the inside and boost the energy.  In addition I look forward to seeing a full basket of toilet paper.  For when I see it in the state it is approaching, I have a tendency to panic. 

So here's to me trying to beat the system and get the absolute most for my money, eating more healthily and breathing a sigh of relief that I'll be able to take care of any paper work that might come up!

Eternal Optimist

I swear I'm the eternal optimist.  I get so giddy just thinking about possibilities, opportunities, adventures, changes, and perhaps more simply put the future.  I'll credit my past for that outlook. 

You see, no matter what my experiences have been good, bad, pretty, ugly, eventful, uneventful and regardless of any obstacles that might've been in my way I like where I've landed.  I love my family, I love my husband, my daughter and son.  I love my friends.  As a result I appreciate the paths I've gone down, the lessons I've learned and am still learning, and because of all of that I find myself eager for each new day.  I look forward to the mystery of it all knowing that it's a book that 's already been written.  It has an amazing cast of characters that are so intricately intertwined with one another that I can't wait to see how the new day, next chapter reads and plays out. 

Memories allows me to reflect on past chapters and smile, laugh, cry, evaluate, reevaluate, and adjust where needed. 

Life is truly like a good book.  At least that's how I see my own.  And as a result I find myself giddy with excitement as this life goes on.  If I were to guess the titles of the upcoming chapters perhaps they'd read like this:  ADVANCED REMODELING, SUMMER FUN, TEENAGE FOLLIES, A TRIP WITH A MISSION, THE CAMPING SPIRIT (church & cheer), SOLD! THE DEAL IS DONE!, LET'S MOVE!, AUGUST, A MONTH OF NEW BEGINNINGS.  Keeping in mind I am NOT the author of my storybook life rather a character, perhaps the protagonist (haha) but none-the-less I can only hope that those possible chapter titles are a part of my upcoming life. 

Yep, I'm the eternal optimist.  I know there will be bumps along life's path and possible detours but I also with out a doubt know that the book is perfectly written and perfectly written for me.

On a different note, I came across this thought and it really struck a chord with me.  It sums up my point of view of recent experiences with people and it is this:  I'm not angry that you lied to me, rather I'm disappointed that I can no longer believe what you have to say.  As an optimist it is this very notion that hurts ones soul.  .....moving on.

God Bless & have a great day!

How exciting!

The excitement is in the air.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is truly a time of year where you feel, experience, sense the whole "out with the old" sentiment. The dismal seasons, if you will, are behind us and the joy, hope and promise of summer lies ahead.  Even though I live in the Midwest you give me a 75+ degree day and blue skies with the glow of the sun and I smell the beach!  The out of doors takes on the scent of the tropics with tanning oil, back yards are transformed into make shift beaches and decks become the beach front!  As night falls bon fires become the source of ambiance and entertainment.  The coconut scented air is transformed into that of an enticing char-grilled steakhouse.  YUM!  Few houses will be without graham crackers, Hershey bars and marshmallows.  Every thing seems to just come alive! 

How exciting!

How exciting for the graduates, for the students who are 1 year closer to being a graduate, to all the soon to be newlyweds taking advantage of the month of June.  And with weeks like we've been having it's hard to not have a spring in your step, a smile on your face, and anticipation for what's sure to be an amazing summer.

How exciting!

Summer seems to be the time for adventure!  And on so many levels!  Ballgames, cookouts, family gatherings, fireworks, camps, vacations, pool parties, bon fires, etc....  So many memories are made many of which will fill our conversation's for months to come. 

How exciting!

I'm doubly excited for this summer.  Mostly because of all the hope I have in it.  It's possible this summer will be quite an adventure for my family and certainly one we've worked hard towards and anxiously awaited!  As I try to schedule all the events I realize that it will come and go far quicker than I would've hoped.  Times flies when you're having fun & growing old!  haha!

So here's to summer!  Here's to: friends, pools, ballgames, fireworks, smores, bon fires, corn hole, reunions, vacations, beaches, amusement parks, church camps, mission trips, cheer camps, fairs, food on a stick!, laughter, memories, wind in your hair, tans, flip flops, farmers tans, sunglasses, lemonade, weddings, rummages, graduations, and good times! 

Looking forward to summer 2012.  I'm thinking I'll kick back and enjoy it as much as I can!

my last mothers day. mine is gone i will celebrate no more.

have you ever found yourself moving about this life only to pause and think...how did i get here?  many times this is less of a random occasion and more of a normal experience.  and frankly it can be more troubling than not.  

mothers day was like that for me.  it was weird from start to finish with a bit of good in the midst of it all.  it was a restless night preceding the day.  kat wasn't at home rather with a friend and would be joining us for church.  matt wasn't feeling well so i gave him some meds and let him sleep.  and my in-laws joined us for services.  it was nice to have them join us.  none-the-less the morning just seemed 'off'.  church was followed by lunch at olive garden.  it'll probably be the last time i request that as i'm pretty much the only one who enjoys it.  truly enjoys it.  so although the meal was great to me i feel i can safely say the rest of the family would've preferred any other location.  next it was onto best buy where i was to select my md gift.  we left with nothing and i just ordered what i wanted on-line.  i feel theres a hidden message there, when one has to order their own md present.  and that was the end of the md celebration.  

next it was off to menards for additional items for amboy.  siding and carpet so that that place can get completed.  (ha!)  and then home.  kat had to work.  matt immediately took to video gaming.  i laid down. andy left for amboy.  

something just seemed off.  

i had thoughts of friends whom i wanted to wish a happy md to.  jill, heather n, heather k, anne, ida, jess, letha, rhonda.  i had family i also wanted to share the sentiment with, kim, julia, jamie.  some i got too others i did not.  

something just seemed off.

i had mentioned i wanted to go to fairmount that day.  i wasn't sure what i wanted to do but wanted to put something at moms grave.  i didn't.  

something just seemed off.

it was mothers day.  

i was with out one.

that's what seemed off.

and then the day came to an abrupt end.  harsh words were spoken.  no apologies uttered.  and md was over. 

i laid in bed feeling more alone than i can ever remember feeling.  longing to feel.  

i've concluded i'm not a fan of md.  and i have opted to no longer participate.  my mother has passed.  i remember her daily and smile and cry and get frustrated depending on the memory.  i enjoyed picking her gift out and resented selecting mine.  i enjoyed taking her out where ever it was easiest for her to go and swallowed each bite feeling guilty for having forced my selection on my own family.  in the past i enjoyed seeing her smile and get joy just from being together and out of the house.  yet this year sat thinking of the time that was being wasted and work that wasn't getting done on the house.  

the "oh yeah, btw....happy md" seemed less like a sentiment and more like requirement.  however the phone call and it's "i love you & happy mothers day" was certainly a bright spot.  

i must do some self examination.  for if i am being treated the way i treat others i've have a lot of room for improvement.

948-5563

howdy ho momma!  How's it going?  I find that when I think of you I try to think of you there.  Healthy, whole, and without pain!  What a glorious thing!  I imagine you with grandma & grandpa, and uncle Bud.  And I still to this day find myself wondering how I've gotten through another day without actually hearing your voice.  I miss you loads.

Eric and I along with Matthew picked out your stone.  It's simple and a bit raw as if plucked right out of nature with the addition of a cross.  I think you would approve.  I'll be so glad to see it there in stead of the little marker from Armes-Hunt.

We received the results from Kathryn's testing and she is A-OK!  what a blessing to say the least.

It seems as though so much is going on.  I wonder at times how it is that life just continues.

The deadline is approaching for the contract and purchase of the house I showed you.  Golly if you have any pull with the Big guy I'd sure appreciate it.  I can relate to how you felt those times you said you hurt for your children/family because you were unable to provide for what they wanted.  If I could make this happen NOW I would.  And not at all for myself but for my husband and kids.  I really have come to believe it's the change we need in our lives. And am fearful that time is running out.

Matt is doing well in golf.  He really enjoys it.  I'm glad it's something he can do on his own.  For whatever reason there are so many people left on this earth that feel the need to steal away ones joy at every turn and knowing he can play a game that solely relies on his own abilities is a comfort.

I need to thank you again for how you raised me.  You allowed me to be me, figure out who I was, and embraced all the changes that came with discovery.   You encouraged me to have a voice and an opinion and to be confident.  As I think about the people you introduced into my life I can truly take away a lesson from each and everyone of them.

I've told you a lot about many of the people who have crossed my path.  I've shared with you my frustrations and joys that have been brought about by getting to know these people, working with them, worshiping with them, occupying a bleacher with them, and raising my own children with theirs.  And for sure the life lessons continue, daily.  I will say this, the place I am in has certainly caused me to pause, reflect, take personal inventory and adapt.  I've adapted in a way that seems to not be the norm rather in a way that truly feels guided by God.  I'm certain if I were to look back for a couple of sets of footprints, I'd only see one.

Perhaps too it's been your passing that has really caused me to pause and reflect.  Reflect on the legacy I'm leaving and the example I'm setting.  I feel it's given me cause to really reflect on who I am and chose to be.  As a result almost daily I feel more sure of that and empowered by that.  I find my self contemplating or listening if you will to what God brings me to.  One thing I'm finding out is that I'm not alone.  Not alone in my questions, concerns, thoughts.  I'm not alone in some of my opinions either.  Although I'd be ok if I were, it's somewhat validating to know from others whom I've come to respect that they too share many of my opinions/concerns.  With that said, I find myself seeking direction as to what to do with regard to those issues that effect my children as well as others' children.  I distinctly remember you and Brenda fighting many battles for the sake of us kids, I guess this is just one of those examples of history repeating itself.  I'm just still unclear of the battle lines, method, and in search of my "Brenda"!  And perhaps it's not my fight.  I've never really been much of a fighter.  This is why I continue to pray and seek guidance.  I am willing to go where I am led.

I've still got a lot of learning to do, a lot of growing to do, but feel better each day about what God is doing in my life.  I'm learning to appreciate the struggles as well as the blessings.

Wishing I could hug you.  I don't know that I'd let go though.  Please continue to watch over us.  We love and miss you a bunch.  I'll talk to you later!
kel

Just a quickie update...

Last blog was re: cheer tryouts.  They happened and in typical Oak Hill cheer tryout fashion.  (although i'm not convinced it's solely a problem at OH)  I won't go into details for a number of reasons but primarily because my daughter has requested I not talk about it.  She'll be cheering Varsity Football again this season.  And for that we are thankful.  She loves to cheer and loves her school and is a true fan!  Perhaps it's an answer to a mostly unspoken prayer that she's not cheering on the sidelines in a uniform during the basketball season.  She will however be in the "O" club cheering on the basketball Eagles.  At least that's how it is for now.  

I've been in contact with the Lady we're hoping to buy our next house from!  What a kind soul.  We as are they anxiously awaiting for all things to fall into place (His timing is perfect and we both know that) so that we can all move.  If the moves goes as planned who knows which school system we'll be enrolled in.  Hoping to remain at Oak Hill, but certainly open to new adventures.

The settlement of moms estate is entering the final stages.  The auction has been held, although there still seems to be a ton of stuff left, stocks have been sold and we're that much closer to paying off debt and diving up assets.  Praying that all will fall into place and that the properties will remain in the family and new beginnings may start.  Eric & Kim have really been 'johnny on it'!  ...me not so much.  Kinda anxious to select a head stone and get it ordered so that it can get placed soon!  My momma would've wanted that.

Kat started her job in full force last week and thus far likes it!  I've had the opportunity to see her in action and I have to admit she seems to do a mighty fine job!  I'm not surprised really, as  I'm not the one running things at Culver's.  lol  The motivation of the almighty dollar.

Follow up appointments are scheduled for later in the month although she's been feeling better (PTL).  This weekend is a celebration with friends for her sweet 16, and the 28th she'll be attending Eastern's Prom with Austin Hochestedler.  She's growing up!

Matt has started golfing with the OH golf club team and really enjoys it.  I predict he'll live on a golf course when he's on his own.  According to the Orthodontist the braces will be coming off soon!  OH MY !!! He looks so grown up as it is I can't imagine what he'll look like with them off.  But I am very anxious for him and to see his new smile! 

So much going on!  so many changes, so many irons in the fire and hopes and dreams are alive!  Thanking My big big God daily for my life and all the promise it holds!  I am blessed!

well, it's tryout time.  and it's about to be interesting.  new faces vying for a spot on the squad and old ones hoping to hang on or perhaps move up.  12 will be chosen for football season and an undetermined number for basketball.  sr's only eligible for varsity, freshman only eligible for freshman squads and sophomores only jv, and juniors either.  kat will be a jr.  she cheered varsity football last year as a sophomore and is hoping to repeat again this year and make the move up from jv to varsity for basketball.  she's talented enough too ....but it's cheerleading, so who knows.  this year selection is suppose to be based on points, with the top 12 taking varsity spots provided they're jr & sr's and then fill the jv positions.  in addition there are to be 5 judges evaluating the girls.  certainly a change from last year and +2 judges from years past. 

as a parent i have my bouts of nervousness for my daughter and the outcome of it all.  yet have strangely felt at peace over the course of the last week and into this one.  i am anxious for it to all be over with.  it's been an interesting lesson for both kat & i as the new coach has taken over.  we both love the sport.  we love the precision of it and the trickiness of it all and coming up with new impressive stunts and knocking a cheer out of the park and really engaging the fans!  kat feeds off of all of that as do many of the girls she's cheered with.  however doing what she loves to do this last year became a challenge as she found herself in a position of not being liked by the coach, perhaps because she has been  seen as a threat, and as a result the sport she once loved more than anything has lost some of its appeal. 

i've encouraged her endlessly over the course of the season to stay the course and not to allow a human road bump to slow her down.  to respect the position of coach no matter who occupies it and to always give 100% and .....something not often modeled, BE HONEST!  it's the honesty that becomes tricky when negative feelings are involved.  which brings me back to ...respect the position. 

many lessons are being taught live this week as the study continues.  God knows the outcome and He will have her right where she needs to be.  when ever we 'tryout' for something we take a risk, and what is life with out a bit of risk.  FAITH will allow her to get through not only risk, but heartache and difficult times.  I believe He wants her to shine shine shine in front of those fans, and who knows....perhaps someone will ask a question that will allow her to answer in such a manner that God receives ALL the glory!  that is my hope for kat as she tries out for cheerleader this week.